Party Animals

There are certain things that need to be done before we leave the house. All doors need to be shut, except for the one to the dog's room. Chairs need to be placed on the new couch in the living room. And all access to trash cans must be closed off completely. Why, you may ask, must we go to such measures to barricade the inside of the house? Because I have 2 dogs that truly believe this house belongs to them, and that they simply allow us to think this house is ours. But once we leave, all hell breaks loose.

Last night we headed over to have dinner with some friends. We left at 6 pm and were back home by 8:30 pm. We were gone for approximately 2 1/2 hours, AND we forgot to close the door to Wyatt's room. The dogs don't spend a lot of time in this room. Usually there is a noisy soon to be 4 year old playing in it, or sleeping in it for that matter, which I then scurry the dogs out of the room. And yet, when given the opportunity to enter that room, unaccompanied by any human, that room suddenly belongs to Duke and Da Vinci.

We entered the house to find the dogs nowhere. First event of unusual behavior. You can usually hear the thumping of a wagging tail on the leather couch, or see a dog's head pop around the corner to peek at you. I went upstairs. "Duke, Da Vinci? Where are you?" At this point, Duke slowly crawls from out of his kennel, also very unusual. Duke does not enjoy his kennel if there is a better place such as a bed or a couch to lay on, UNLESS he has gotten into something he shouldn't have. And if you know Duke, you know that happens often. The kennel then becomes a hiding place. Its almost as if Duke punishes himself for something he did. You also know he's done something wrong by the way he crawls around you. Tail is ducked under, head is low, and Duke makes the weirdest face, as almost with a sheepish smile, as if he were saying, "Please don't hate me." We'll get to the evidence later.

Now, calling Da Vinci is a useless action. If that dog is asleep, there is no way he is going to hear you, feel you, or acknowledge you. The old boy has gotten so deaf! So I look. Not on any couch, even the one covered in upside-down chairs (which has not stopped him before, by the way). Not in his kennel. Hmmm, "He wouldn't be...he's never done that before...hmmm...DA VINCI! GET OFF WYATT'S BED!" Stupid dog! He lifts his head, squints in the light, and looks at me like, "Wha?"

Then I smell an odor. An odor I am sadly too familiar with. Old Pull-ups. Why am I smelling this? Well, because the dang garbage can lid has been opened. This is not a lid that can be simply lifted up. You must push the lid down to unlatch it, then it will pop up. I look at the garbage can. Nothing seems tampered within it, but I do make a mental note that it seemed fuller that morning than it did that night. We move on for the night, and the Christoffersen family went to bed.

Next morning, the discovery: For some reason I have become the garbage man and the pooper scooper of the household. I do not like these jobs. I loathe them. But I'm not comfortable making Wyatt pick up poop just yet, and Byron...never mind. I head out this morning to clean the yard, when alas, I am greeted by carnage. Pull-up carnage. "One...two...that one makes three...and four." Four used Pull-ups shredded by a canine, most likely named Duke. Now no matter how hard I try, Duke will get a hold of one of these at least every other day, and though I mostly blame Duke, I know that Da Vinci has enjoyed the fruits of his brother's labors from time to time. Do you know what makes up a Pull-up? There's all that outer stuff, like a diaper, and then lots of cotton for absorption, and then soft squishy crystals. Duke loves these disgusting crystals! And how he manages to pass them, I'll never know. I just imagine them entering his stomach just soaking up every liquid that comes its way. And now, today, he has FOUR Pull-ups worth of crystals expanding in his stomach. If I were a good dog mom, I'd be freaking out. But I won't. I am just thrilled he chose to take them outside and not spread the carnage though my house. Eventually the crystals will make a reappearance and I will once again be reminded to SHUT THE STINKIN' DOOR BEFORE I LEAVE!